if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize