all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I could fuck to npr.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
