wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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