I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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