Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
