look no pants
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
