Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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