forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
