farters have to be the big spoon...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
