Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
