I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize