we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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