All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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