my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
