i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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