I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
