Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
