On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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