So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
