9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
