note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
