Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sex in a hospital.. check
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
