at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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