get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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