apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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