Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
