I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
