Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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