I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
