At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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