you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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