when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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