Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize