my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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