Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
