Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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