Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
50% drunk capacity currently
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
