but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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