All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize