i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
