in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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