every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
