she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
