I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
