I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
