Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
