I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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