hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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