letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
