One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
