Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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