He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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