Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize