She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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