worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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