SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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