Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
