I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
