I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize