proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
bring money and cleavage
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
