She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
