This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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