She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
