I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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