I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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