i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this will be a night to untag.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
