mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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