Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Life is so much better after having sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize