I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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