Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I could have mohawked her pubes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
