had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
