Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
