just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
