I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
