you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
