If that was your dad, he is hot
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
