remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
