she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
