I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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